Weekend Update (Not the Daily Show Version)

So the blog seems to be a weekend update these days…

Friday – I spent Friday cramming for studio… it that’s at all possible.  I tried to get as much done as I possibly could for my meeting with Paul.  I think I finally found a little bit of inspiration… which is nice… cuz I was struggling a bit.  Studio is pretty much a waste of time these days.  I miss the enthusiasm of first and second year.  Now, its just social hour for the 2-3 hours I spend there a week.  HAHA!  And skipping like I did on Friday with Kiffin and Suzanne to go have margarita’s.  Suzanne, what is that stuff that you get when you squeeze an orange???  LOL!!!  I love you!

Afterwards I rushed back home to finish cleaning for Willster’s birthday party.  I had so much to do… and so little time.  All of his friends arrived around 6.30… which was great.  I really enjoyed spending time and getting to bond with them.  It’s not everyday you get to stuff manicotti noodles with people you hardly know.  LOL… it’s a definite must in the list of bonding experiences.

Will’s party was ‘supposed’ to be a surprise… and boy did he ever surprise us.  Courtney and I worked rather extensively trying to put this party together for him… and then he crashed it.  But it was cute!!!  BUT HEED THIS MR WILLIAM… YOU WILL BE SURPRISED AT SOME POINT IN YOUR LIFE… IF IT KILLS ME!!!  LOL!

Saturday – Most of the day was spent lounging around.  Spent some time up at the mall and the afternoon with Cathy.  Then I traveled up to Elkin for a not so bad trip.  LOL!  I stopped at Speedy Chef on my way in and spent some time hanging out with Sarah, Casey and Courtney.  Then my lil bro met me downtown, which was what I went up for.  He’s going to start working at my old architecture firm.  He’s needing some cash and too lazy to find a job himself.  Cal had called me earlier in the week wanting me to do some 3-d work, but I simply do not have the time.  So I told him Corey would be interested.  I showed him the ins and outs of sketchup – so we will see I suppose.  

Afterwards I met back up with Casey and his bro Keary – hadn’t hung out with them in a while.  LOTS-O-FUN!  Made it back home sometime around 1ish.  The rents were already in bed.   Mom woke me up the next morning wanting me to go to church with them… but I slept a while longer and then headed back to Charlotte when they left.  

Sunday afternoon was spent at Atkins doing research with the group for our Urban Theory class.  We’re doing a case study of Portland Oregon – gathering all the available demographics and then analyzing them to find out if it’s growing with the success that the city is proclaiming.  It’s quite an interesting place – definitely one of my must hit cities in the US.   They are using some pretty progressive planning techniques, actually quite European in a lot of respects.  It’s nice to see some people with some brains in this country.  I wasn’t really aware of this, but apparently Portland has a rather large gay population as well.  I’m trying to get confirmation of this through some demographic studies, but I found some marital statistics that would indicate this – be nice to see if I’m right.  Everyone knows that San Francisco is up there, but who would have guessed Portland.  I guess it makes since… progressive people go where progressive things can happen.

I’m currently off to have my car estimated.  Hopefully they way over figure the damages and I’ll get to keep a little bit of money out of this for all the trouble.  Maybe it can go towards the LCD TV investment to be made shortly.  Then I’m off to get my taxes filed if I can get an appointment.  Busy day…

IM NOT AN EMO!!!

Upon request, I’ve been told it’s time for an update.  Things have been pretty hectic.  I’m still trying to figure out how to juggle my schedule with any efficiency at all this semester.  I’m trying to work as much as possible (20-30 hrs a week) in between classes and trying to see Will as much as I possibly can.  

This weekend was full of a lot of events.  Friday on my way home from work I was in an accident… not my fault so not to worry.  I’d basically just got on 77-N coming out of the city and as always… the traffic is stop and go through there with absolutely no warning what-so-ever.  Well, I got stopped, but the guy behind me did not and he swiped the left rear-end of my car pretty badly.  It basically busted out the tail light and destroyed by bumper and dented in the left body panel.  I’d estimate $2-3,000 worth of damage.  The ironic thing was, it took the cops about an hour to get there so we chit-chatted for a while.  He was a nice guy from New York, early 20’s, down trying to settle on a place to buy since he’d recently got a new job.  But then he comes out with this observation… “You guys just don’t know how to drive down here.  This stop and go traffic on the interstate would never happen in New York.”  HAHA!!!  Excuse me, but, didn’t you just hit me???  Anyway…

On Saturday I traveled to Winston to purchase glasses with the family.  LOL!  Yea, what an event.  What I figured would take 2-3 hours tops ended up taking the entire day.  I’m really satisfied with the frames that I got… very stylish… and I got a pair of ray-bans as well which are really really cool.  In between we spent some time shopping in the mall.  They had some killer deals.  I got, according to tags, about $800 worth of clothes for $200.  Can’t complain about that.  

Then, I finally got to go see the only thing I was really excited about all weekend to begin with – my William.  : )  I really enjoy going up and spending time with him at Wake Forest.  I like the atmosphere there a lot, especially the dorms.  They were planned remarkably well and really seem to foster a lot of social interaction, unlike the 60’s solution for all the housing problems in the world at UNC-C.  I think if UNC-C had dorms like Wake Forest I would probably have continued to stay on campus.  Another really nice feature is the main quad.  Will’s building makes up part of the main quad.  It just seems like such a great place to be.  

Will took me to dinner in this really cool part of town at a place called Westend Café.  It was quite nice, and not what I expected walking in.  The food was great, the service friendly, and a cool atmosphere.  Then we went back to school and hung out in his room for a while, went to visit his friends and I parted ways sometime after 3am.  It was a long day, but it’s so difficult for me to leave that boy.  I could just cuddle up and lay in his arms for the rest of my life.

Sunday I chilled out around the apartment most of the day.  Kate and I went to eat lunch and hung out at the Mill’s for a few.  I guess were trying to be friends again.  I’m just extremely hesitant about doing so.  

Then we watched the most disappointing Panther’s game I’ve ever seen in my entire life.  IT WAS AWEFUL.  Jake threw not 1… not 2… not even 3… but 4 interceptions.  HELLO!!!  WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED???  The team is really held together by him, Steve Smith, and Nick Goings… and when those 3 can’t get it going the whole game falls apart.  The final score was 14 to 34.  BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR I GUESS.  It’s great they got as far as they did, don’t get me wrong.  But they should have anticipated the Seahawks plan to keep Smith from getting any breaks at all.  And Jake, being ranked the best quarter back in the NFL this year playing like he did just blew my mind.  Oh well, enough bitching about that.

I’ve got to get super busy catching up on studio now.  I have until 2pm.  UGH!  I have a feeling this semester is going to be a lot like that till the end…a lot of catching up.  

And it begins…

Redefining Our Thoughts

Perusing the internet led me to this pretty cool project.  For those of you who don’t understand the reason that people like me get involved in architecture (and possibly urban planning), let me clarify.  It is the sole intention of an architect/planner to understand the social relationships of society and turn those findings into usable, well-crafted and understood ‘space.’  It doesn’t always have to be a 50-story state-of-the-art skyscraper to change the way people view space, it can be as small as a parking space.  It is most often the small things, done well, that change our perceptions.

With that said, check out this website.

http://www.rebargroup.org/projects/parking/index.html#

January 16th, 1983

Wow!!!  What an amazing weekend.  

Saturday:

I drove up to Wake Forest to spend some time with Will at school.  It was the first time I’d seen him since before Christmas – I was missing him terribly.  He showed me all his pictures from his Vietnam trip and gave me some really awesome gifts from there!  

We went out to dinner at this Vietnamese restaurant which was really good.  Hung out with his friends… and then came the best part of the night.  I finally got to see him play the piano.  (  Oh so cute!  I’ve wanted to see him play since the last time that we talked.  There’s just something about hearing a piano sing… and let me tell ya… Will can make it sing!

We went to Greensboro for dinner and to see Brokeback Mountain – but they’d sold out when we got there.  So instead we headed downtown to the Green Bean… this really cool little coffee shop that a friend of his that hung out with us knew about.  Great place – exactly the kind of place that Charlotte is missing.  There was a band that played – pretty good.  They seemed to be better when they first started and lost it as they went on.  

We then headed to Charlotte for the night.  

Sunday:

I woke up with the most amazing guy lying there next to me.  I don’t know what it is about that feeling… waking up next to the person your crazy about… but it’s almost too much to deal with.  

We went and had breakfast, hung out with Jay and Cathy for a bit and then finally got to see Brokeback Mountain.  Just like the preview said… thanks to Fandango.  When we got there at 4 the showing was also sold out, but we’d pre-ordered off Fandango.  

The movie was kind of what I expected.  I’d heard, however, that it was really great.  I guess I was just hoping for more.  It’s so easy to get caught up in the fact that Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal played the lead parts of the gay guys that the intention of the movie gets lost.  That’s all you hear about… and I can’t say that I wasn’t excited about seeing those two kiss.  HAHA!  Although I don’t think their kissing was nearly as magical as Will and I.  I think we’ve got that down pretty well!  LOL.

I guess that’s what I wanted people to see.  I wanted them to see the romantic side of it all … that two people of the same sex can fall in love and their relationship be just as amazing as any straight couple.  Everything seemed so brutal between those two.  Their first encounter seemed more like it was about being along and stuck up on a mountain somewhere… being drunk and horny than anything.  

I won’t spoil the movie for those of you who haven’t seen it but want to (Mark), but go see it.  It’s worth seeing.

After the movie Jay cooked dinner for Will and me.  He made some pasta with Chicken… good stuff… even if it was wheat pasta.  The other night I had messaged Cathy and Jay was there who ended up making me feel like I was answering one of those crazy online profile quizzes.  He was actually trying to figure out what kind of cake to make.  HAHA!  Clever.  Ended up making a chocolate cake with peanut butter… yum… and ice cream.  Good stuff.  I’m actually kinda wanting a piece right now.

Hopefully were all going to go out tonight for one last B-day weekend celebration.  I like this whole… spend the entire weekend celebrating your birthday thing!  (

Missing Two Wonderful People

In Memory of Louise D Gentry

It’s been a tough few days.  My grandma passed away this past Saturday, along with a close friend of mine in the architecture program on Sunday.  

My grandma was a very special lady in a lot of ways.  She and my grandpa met at the deaf school in Morganton.  They truly belonged together if anyone ever has.  When my grandpa passed away back in 1996 it changed a lot of things for my grandma.  They were both completely each other’s worlds.  They had three boys including my dad who were all born hearing.  The youngest, Michael, passed away very early at the age of 21 in a motorcycle accident.  My dad’s other brother, Johnny, moved away.  Thus, my dad always felt it was his responsibility to stick by his parents and take care of them.  

The life that a deaf person lives is very different from out own.  They communicate and understand the world completely different from the way a hearing person does.  My grandpa went deaf in his teenage years due to some ear infections, and for the most part lived a fairly normal life.  He worked, was active in his church, and very much a part of the community.  Because he was able to hear to begin with he was able to lip read and could talk, so communication wasn’t that difficult for him.

My grandma on the other hand was born deaf.  She was very spoiled in a lot of ways; my grandpa always got her everything she ever wanted.  Her life was limited, though, and once my grandpa passed it was like her world had ended in a lot of ways.  

Ironically enough she lived one day past my grandpa’s birthday, to January 7th 2006.  She died at the age of 86 and lived a very full life.  Her love was always flowers and she could make absolutely anything grow.  One of the very first things that I learned to sign from my grandma was the word beautiful.  She would always be working outside around their house planting flowers, pulling weeds, or caring for them in some way.  When I would approach her to talk to her she would always comment on the flowers being beautiful and look for reassurance from everyone that they really were beautiful.  

One of her biggest loves were her African Violets.  When you walked into their house the room immediately to the left was the dining room and received the perfect type and amount of lighting for these flowers to grow.  They are actually very difficult flowers to grow, but not for my mema.  Right up until the past couple of weeks she would keep them watered and cared for.  My mom told me that one of the last times she’d gone in to check on them, that one of the leaves had broken off and she had found a way to plant the leaves and make them re-root; that’s why she had too many of them.  We counted over 50 planted in the dining room alone.  The day before she passed away every single one of them bloomed.  It was almost like a sign of her life about to begin, and being the day after my grandpa’s birthday, that they were going to be reunited.  

I think the hardest part of my grandma passing was feeling like I didn’t really know who she was.  Even though they lived right beside us, I was never able to connect with them like I was able to connect with my grandma on my mom’s side.  I wonder sometimes if I could have done things a bit differently.  My older sister (half sister) had a lot of the same issues as I.  She was not introduced to me until I was almost 15, and she too felt a loss of connection – like she never really knew who her grandparents were.  

My dad has taken this pretty hard.  He stuck right by them his entire life.  My grandma never really left home very much.  Once in a while she would go to eat dinner with us or would go to Wal-Mart to pick up a few odds and ends.  I’m sure losing parents is one of the hardest things you ever go through in life, but on the flip side of that, losing a child has to be extremely hard as well.

In Memory of David E Franklin

I met David in second year of architecture school.  We were in Linda Samuels class together.  David was the kind of person who would do absolutely anything for you.  When we first met David, he was a very different person.  

Starting college is always about discovering yourself.  For some reason this most always includes a lot of drunken parties.  I’m not exactly sure why this is so – maybe because the alcohol allows you to loosen up and do things that you would probably normally not do.  

When we first met David he wouldn’t go to these parties with us.  I remember talking with him about it one night in studio and him telling me that he couldn’t put himself in that situation because he had a problem with alcohol.  I didn’t really believe him very much because David was a very strong Christian and assumed what he was really saying was that he didn’t want to be around those types of parties and people.  It’s odd how certain people can give you an impression and no matter what they say to you, they still hold this stigma of being this person that you have made them, even though that may not be them at all.  

I thought the world of David.  I looked up to him in a lot of ways.  He was one of the very best in the architecture program and had so much potential.  It’s so hard to think about his life being cut so short.  He most surely would have done amazing things.

With David, I’m left with a lot of questions.  I wonder what could have been so bad to have to become so dependant on alcohol?  I wonder how something like that can take over someone’s life to the point they can’t control it?  And I wonder what’s David’s purpose was in God’s plan?  

We all go to these parties and do these things without really thinking about it.  We put ourselves in situations where our lives can be ripped from us without a seconds notice.  I hope for a lot of people it was awake up call.

For those of you who read this I would like to ask you to say an extra prayer for David’s family.  They are going through some very tough times right now and I’m sure asking themselves a lot of very difficult questions.  

I guess one of the hardest things about all of this is how different the two experiences have been for me.  I feel a sense of loss with both – a friend and a grandparent.  With my grandma there is somewhat a sense of relief.  I know she isn’t going through the pain and torment the past couple of months brought her.  I know my dad doesn’t have to stay up all night and listen for her and care for her.  I know she’s back with my grandpa… and in a lot of ways it’s a happy loss.  

With David, I’m not quite sure what to feel.  I feel more pain for his parents than anything.  I feel angry that he wasn’t given the opportunity to fulfill his dreams.  I feel he was cheated, his family was cheated, and his friends were cheated.  That’s not the right way to feel or true though.  Being at the funeral home last night showed me how much David was loved and cared for and that the same way he touched me, he touched everyone around him.  His dad said to me, “David was and always is just David.  He was the same to everyone, no matter where he went.”  I don’t think anything could describe him any better.  You will be missed.

Klohwei

I’m really getting frustrated of only having negative things to add to my blog lately. On top of my grandma, I now get to add my doggie to the list. Klohwei turns a year old next month, but apparently has a genetic disease where her white blood cells randomly like to attack her red blood cells. Mom took her to the vet on Wednesday to find out her count is at 10% when its supposed to be somewhere between 30-40%. She’s basically inches away from having to have a blood transfusion. Dr. Shale has been calling me every morning and night giving me an update on her condition. She’s in absolutely the best possible hands she could be in.

I got into a conversation with Mark about it the other night. He’s someone who, although I don’t always agree with his opinions, I value probably more than anyone else’s. He’s the person I go to when I need to think something through… one of the very few people who I’ll open up to.

Anyhow, we were talking about her and I was basically at the point of having to decide to let Dr. Shale treat her or put her down. Mark made some comment about just putting her down that it’s not worth the trouble… and to just get a new dog. It kind of shocked me in a way, but it was good because it very quickly let me make up my mind. To me, God granted Klowhei life just as he did me. When I took Klowhei in as a pet, her life then became my responsibility. It’s costing a lot to care for her right now, but with hope that’s only temporary. I can’t just have her put down … I’d never forgive myself.

But for all of you guys who read this, if you would – say an extra prayer for her tonight. She’s a beautiful young dog full of life and deserves the chance to live.

On the topic of friends...

Throughout the course of our lives we come into contact with MANY PEOPLE. If we are fortunate enough, a select few of those individuals we befriend to a level that with any luck, lasts a lifetime. These people are your bestfriends - through thick and thin they are there for you - not necessarily to do anything more than just lend an ear and listen when needed.

One thing that troubles me more than anything about the gay community is the lack of these types of concrete friendships. It is hard to meet gay people - this is fact - unless you are in some type of fake created environment where that's the only type of people to begin with. The reason I say that is fake is because it's created - it is as false as Main Street U.S.A in Disney World. Unfortunately, until like minded people like our great President Bush stop controlling a gay person's ability to live and function in socieity like everyone else we are stuck with these fake, created environment, I suppose. And I don't see us getting to the point of branding everyone on the forehead on whether they are gay, straight, or bi. HAHA! Even if they did, I would assume that about 90% of what you would see would be false. The joys of living in Baptist, USA.

Okay, so enough ranting about that... back to the point of the email. I don't base my friendships on sexual orientation, however, I must say it is nice to occassionally make a gay friend or two. What frustrates me about the gay community is, however, you can't meet with the exclusive intention of being friends. There always has to be more - whether that's hooking up, dating, or whatever other odd intentions there are out there.

Advice to all...
Take a moment and really analyze the lives you are living. Ask yourself if its more important to leave this world with several 'had' boyfriends or to leave with some really close friends. And with that said, I am always accepting applications for new friends. HAHA!!!

Good day!

HAPPY NEW YEARS

So it’s officially a new year.  Welcome 2006!!!  If anything deserves a blog entry, it’s a retrospect of 2005 and an anticipation of 2006.

We will start with a retrospect…

The beginning of 2005 was full of a lot of hope.  I had a new… and my first boyfriend.  I knew this year was going to be totally different from any other.  What seemed to have started all too soon was over very shortly, however.  The weekend before my graduation David and I called a rather substantial relationship to a close.  That weekend would prove to be one of the worst of my life.  All I wanted to do was sleep – I was depressed.  

My entire family came down that weekend for my graduation.  For those of you who know me – you know I’m the type of person that always has to be on top of things.  The day my family arrived I was to walk the stage in less than 2 hours… they knocked on my door… and I was still in the bed asleep.  

Maybe I took this loss so badly because it was, in a lot of ways, my first real relationship.  But I know in my heart that I truly loved David, with all of my heart.  A piece of my heart will always belong to him.  If there is anything that I have learned this year, however, it’s that sometimes no matter how hard you try even if it’s just to be friends, some people aren’t meant to be a part of your life.   I like to live with this ideal image of what life should be like.  If you ever tell someone you love them… and you truly mean it… shouldn’t they always be a part of your life?  And the answer to that is no – sometimes the pain is too great.

Graduation came and went… the days passed.  For a while I wanted nothing to do with anyone.  I had reached a new stage in my life, however, one that I wasn’t about to turn my back on.  I’d come to accept the fact that I was gay.  I don’t like thinking negatively about things.  I’ve always said that everything that happens does so for a reason – and I don’t just say that – I truly believe it.  The reasons may not be obvious to us to begin with, but time most always proves to be the solution to all our problems.  Looking back, I’m glad David and I happened now.  It took me to a new place in life, one that allowed me to be more of who I am.  I still wish things could have happened differently and maybe someday I will come to understand the reasons they occurred as they did, but those answers don’t really matter now.

I do, however, wish the best for you David.  I know you have a lot of growing and maturing to do.  I hope that you come to find whatever it is that you are really searching for – and I hope that you find someone that will make you be that person that I saw in you during the time we were together.  If you ever need me, you know where to find me.

The other big thing to happen during this time was coming out to a great deal of my friends.  The most important of those was probably Mark.  In a lot of ways it was by accident, but it was meant to happen.  I think what separated us for a while now, has brought us closer in the end, however.  If there is one that you can say about being gay, it’s that it allows you to figure out who your true friends are.

The summer brought a lot of new friendships and relationships into the picture.  In some ways I feel like now I was catching up on a lifetime of falsehood.  I knew I didn’t want to go back to who I was before, but I didn’t know how to deal with this new person either.  That showed up in a lot of my actions.  But again… things happen the way they do for a reason, right?

I feel like sometimes I should apologize for the things I did this summer… the people that I came into contact with.  That doesn’t make sense, though, for I was only discovering a whole new side of me.  The one thing I must say I’m more grateful for than anything from this summer’s events, however, was getting to meet Will.  

If I do owe anyone an apology for this summer, it would be you Will.  It’s no excuse, but I was at such an awkward point in my life.  Parts of me knew that David and I would get back together (although, I’m so grateful that never happened).  Another part of me was so infatuated with the person that you were.  Honestly, I think overall it was just a series of bad timings.  It was too soon for both of us.  I know for me I was more worried about protecting myself than anything… I couldn’t deal with getting hurt again.  

One thing that I have figured out about myself is that when it comes to emotions and pain I have a great capacity for blocking out the things that I don’t want to remember.  That night that we talked in the car before you left for Vietnam it was like I was amazed at myself.  Everything we talked about was true, but it didn’t feel like it was about me at all.  That night I hardly slept at all.  I just kept playing over and over in my head what had happened to us over the summer, trying to come to some understanding.  Fact is I was just scared.

I was falling for you.  I cared about you a lot.  I never stopped caring about you.  

Fall semester began with a lot of hopeful anticipation.  I had spent the summer working at Jenkins Peer… and playing… and it was time for a new focus… something to get my mind off everything else and back down to something serious.  This semester would start my final chapter of my architectural education.  It also led me to meet yet another guy.  I won’t mention anything to great about him for just that reason – he wasn’t too great.  But it was short lived and nothing really lost or gained… besides some money.  HAHA!

Will and I had managed to keep in touch despite not being a couple.  That’s something that doesn’t happen a lot… at least to me.  Well, minus the girlfriends, but that’s a whole different story.  He and Patrick had decided to try things out again after school had started, which I was totally sad about.  Continuing with the theme of this year, however, everything happens for a reason.  He and Patrick tried working things out again while I was dating the above not to be mentioned.  

I remember one particular conversation Will and I had though, where basically I was looking back and regretting that I hadn’t given us more of a chance.  We started talking online a lot more just about out daily happenings and had actually even planned on hanging out one day that I had to go up that way and meet with an architect about my thesis project.  However, time expired on us and by the time my meeting was over he had classes the rest of the afternoon.  

What was nice about this time, though, was that we were going through a lot of the same things… breakups and opinions about school… life in general.  Although I was really hoping that something might rekindle between us, I was so happy to have someone I could talk to about things.  Our friendship really meant a lot to me.  And finally I got the courage to say something about how I felt… lol… through a blog entry.  (It’s the one posted 14 November 2005 if interested.)

But that pretty much brings me up to present.  The year of 2005 goes out with a pretty big bang.  A lot of things have happens and a lot of new possibilities seem to be developing.  I’m must say I’m pretty happy with how things have turned out.  Actually, I’m extremely happy.  My education feels sound, my future is looking great (along with a job offer in NYC with Charlie Gwathmey), my job turned out to be a great success… so…

HELL YEA TO 2005 … NOW LET’S BRING ON 2006!!!

Anticipation:

1. A successful final semester at UNC-Charlotte in the College of Architecture


2. At least 5 more months at Jenkins Peer


3. An awesome spring break… hopefully spent with Will on some sand somewhere (California???)


4. Some great last memories made with some college friends… especially Cathy, Amber, Kiffen, Sophia, JB and Suzanne


5. Some more great times with Jason – at the movies probably.  HAHA!  And taking full advantage of our Platinum passes for Carowinds


6. An even stronger friendship with Mark


7. Lots of weekend road trips


8. Hawaii with the family


9. Some good times and some bad – making the best out of both


10. And a new appreciation for love…

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY NEW YEARS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!