CRASH...

I’ve always believed that, ‘Everything that happens, happens for a reason.” I don’t mean by this that we are a bunch of puppets aimlessly fulfilling our destinies… I do think we make our own choices and decisions. With that said, I also think that we are presented opportunities that allow us to grow. It’s what we do with these opportunities that define us as a person… as who we are.

I think sometimes we are even presented with something great at a point in our lives… maybe when we aren’t ready… and then represented with that same thing so that we might value it for its worth when we are ready for it.

There is a person in my life who I had an opportunity with at one point… and totally blew it, but I’m seeing now that there may have been a lot of reasons for that. The past year for me has been full of lessons… some that I would rather have not learned at the time… but now I’m seeing just how much I grew from them. That’s what life is about… living, learning, and changing.

When I first met this person … I knew then he was something special. I never stopped caring about him, but I was at a point where I was getting over someone else. I could have continued seeing him… but I knew in my heart that was wrong because I wasn’t giving myself like I should have. In a lot of a ways when I ended things I was thinking more about him than I was myself.

Although I never lost touch with him, he recently has become a bigger part of my life. We’re connected in a lot of ways… going through a lot of the same things. And because of this I think our friendship has grown to a new level. I value this friendship greatly and hope that it continues to grow stronger… but at the same time I have started developing much more intense feelings too. I’ve kinda been hinting at that… doing a little bit of harmless flirting… but I want to come clean.

The problem is that it’s really REALLY bad timing. This person just broke up with the same guy he’d just broken up with the last time we dated. I know that he’s hurt about that right now… and more than anything I just want him to know that I’m his friend and there for him. I also want him to know how I feel though. I mean, we should be honest with our feelings, right? I have asked about all of my friends now what I should do… if I should tell him or not? So in some ways I guess I decided to… but in a very round-a-bout way. I hope that you read this!

I want you to know that I’m here for you… always. I want us to continue growing as friends… to a much deeper level than we are now. I hope that we can spend a lot more time together. I also want you to know that I’m interested in ‘us’ again… but that I’m not going to make that move. I don’t think that it’s the right time for that. I know you are going through a lot right now… and if you were to be interested again… I would want it to be for all the right reasons. I guess I’m just saying that I’m here for that if you ever want it… and if not… that’s totally fine too. I’m just glad that we’ve connected like we have the past couple of weeks.